OFFICIAL PICK UP BASKETBALL TEAMMATES POWER RANKINGS
1. Former college player that doesn’t ballhog, but dominates enough to keep your team on the court all day.
2. Middle aged white guy who isn’t athletic at all but plays shut down D and passes the rock like Magic fucking Johnson. Bonus vintage moves such as finger rolls and hook shots.
3. Big, tall, overweight guy that gets about 20 rebounds a game but never shoots because he knows he sucks.
4. The guy who sits in the corner but shoots and sinks 3s all day long.
5. Average player with no real flaws and no real strengths and gets about 8 points a game (you)
6. The guy who stays on the defensive end of the floor throughout the game and starts a majority of the fast breaks.
7.Awkward Asian guy that hustles more than anyone else not listed.
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9001. The fat guy that needs a breather.
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900000001. 7’0 dude who insists on shooting threes ALL FUCKING GAME AND NEVER GOES IN THE PAINT BECAUSE HE PUSSIES OUT ON THE THOUGHT OF CONTACT.
900000002. Mr. Bitchmade who actually calls fouls and attempts free throws in a pick up game.
900000003. Street boss who just got out of prison and hacks the shit out of everyone but no one says anything because they don’t want to get shot.
900000000008. Lazy asshole who stands at half court and doesn’t play any defense.
900000000009. Guy who doesn’t pass, and as soon as he gets the ball, drives to the hoop hard and flat out bricks the layup. Every fucking time.
